Friday, 16 December 2011

it might be time to quit

I am the prat in the big hat that everyone laughs at and it passes the time I suppose at little or no cost. Having been hacked into a few time has cost a lot of inconvenience but no money so far so I am lucky. How long will the luck hold though I might write a book on the desktop instead of playing with the grown-ups for a while

Thursday, 15 December 2011

you have already spotted the worm haven't you

It took me a lot longer to realize the problem

Even well meaning principles have a worm

You would think that a project aimed at curbing the excess of bankers would command universal support but two projects in tandem fail to do exactly that. One is the Post Apocalypse world that looks at ways make real the lyrical message og he Lennon song Imagine by agreeing an internet base unbounded reality governed by open decisions with no-where to hide and the next invents imaginary money as a vehicle on the way to do exactly that:
but thee is a worm as usual. Whatever these places issuing money might start out as they end up as banks, subject to all bank temptationd, oportunities for overcharging, creative mistakes and so on plus they have no reputation to protect, no accountants crawling around etc and open government leaves the door open for off-stage deals, payments for consultancies of unknown origin. Every corrupt practice is still around even if we know who is doing it. We know that this was always a dream world. Bankers dont have dreams, only nightmares where everything goes wrong to stop them being repaid, but will the next lot be any better and who would you trust with your records – mr & mrs Bloggs or Barclays?

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Unwanted Starlight

Unwanted starlight sounds like an oxymoron:but for the moron stuck with the problem it is anything but a joke.
.It is often we find a worm at the heart of an unwanted starlight project. These ideas come at night and are scribbled onto a bedside notepad but in the cool morning, one wakens up to an un-weeded garden of unfinished inventions and projects. It is hard to be a recluse when everyone is looking for you to pay you for Go's from the Goodwill Foundation , not officially due to launch for nearly a year (on12/12/2012, in fact) – or people wanting to be the front man for projects – sensing fame without the worry of working for it. (there are a lot of wannabes out there) but one cannot have a front man who turns out to be a secret axe murderer: another example is putting the despair of a person out on the Eleanor Rigby chapel site which resulted in too much attention for the lonely individual involved. The Sargent Peppers lonely hearts Club failed because everyone thought you had to go to England to meet.
And there is no accounting for those who expected real space tickets from The Galaxy Marine experience. For less than $100?
The hope pill showed that, what people wanted in their despair, was not your friendship but some money to get their creditors off their backs – a sympathetic ear didn’t cut the mustard. These weeds cluttering up the garden of unwanted starlight are out there now, some even generating money but seldom with a personal saviour who is seeing them through even though they are all free to own and take over control. If you are a good adminisrator there is probably one waiting for you watch on twitter@davechambere1 new inventions come up every day and they are free, although we invite contributions if you make your bundle from here. it is a pleasure to see your success. we cannot after all do everything. there is no time!

make your fortune with our ideas

The scene is the office of the shop steward in a manufacturing plant of indeterminate nature, the meeting is just coming to order as the various members settle back into their places with enormous mugs of steaming tea; the shop steward Stan is struggling to regain order after the tea break and is banging wildly as everyone else grabs the nearest lace at the table, the younger less experienced doing badly in the scramble being elbowed out (literally) by their scruples in treating elderly members discourteously. The elder ambers show no such hesitation.

Stan (banging wildly)
Order, order brothers. What brother chambers is important if it is true. We cannot waste a minute
Chambers (pleased to be recognised for once)
Its true Stan... er brother. If no one is in their they are going to turn the lights consultation, no choice
Young whipper-snapper
But you said no-one was in heir brother chambers so why do we care?
See what we have to put up with – ignorance brothers, inexperience, I despair I really do
Voice from the back
If they want it lad, we don’t – its a negotiating position in it? What do you think Stan 2 minutes?
More like 4 brother or start at 6 and settle at 3
Voice at the table
Its a precedent Stan settle for 4

We shouldn’t allow it at any price

T hats right why give in at all? They will be saving money & there is nothing it it for us. Cont do it Stan.
This two minutes?


What's it for

Lord they know nothing do they – its washing up time.

Washing up what

Washing up you of course at the end of shift

But we don’t get dirty

No, but we used to, so we get 5 minutes for washing up with pay. Were are we up to now Fred?

15 minutes
We have drifted away from the many arguments and conversations going on everywhere but attention drifts back to the talk between the senior shop stewards which has stopped being so animated and quieted a little but still audible and now takes centre stage:

The management say that this is coming whether we like it or not

They have said that before Stan – remember changing rooms, we got an rate increase out of that fight!
But they seem to have their mind set on this one. They say that if the room is empty they can switch off the lights and there is nothing we can do about it. They have a point you know if none of our members are there to switch them back on. I have argued on this one and taken it to the wire but they have old man Rather backing them up. I tell you, its not an easy kill. We have been picking the low hanging fruit. Technology will get us all in the end.

How do they do it?
They put detectors in the corners of the room that can spot movement or lack of it in this case.

Spying on us
These things switch off if no movement is seen for two minutes

So how do you get the lights on if you are put in the dark?
You move. But they claim to be able to spot anyone even breathing

I bet they wont see old Charlie asleep in his rocker though

Its about time someone woke Charlie. How he can expect to go pimping all night at his age is overdue a warning – it will do him good and if he's asleep anyway he wont notice.
Charlie shrugs bashfully, unhappy that his part-time work has been mentioned openly and anxious to get the talk away from him spurs him into a contribution; he was never a great fan of Stanley in the top job as chairman of the committee
They will be counting our cigarettes next. You need to stop it 'Mr Chairman'. That is what you are there for to defend our rights

Yes rights to peaceful non-existence he means

Rights to peaceful sleep more like.

Rights to shag all night and sleep all day.
I don’t do any such thing – its a business arrangement that’s all I look after my girls.
Well if they turn off the lights when he is asleep they come on again when he wakes up without going to the light switch in the dark, so what can I say?
That's not fair is it being fair all of a sudden. You don’t know where you re up to. They wont have these things in the boiler room so I’ll go down there.

Watch out Charlie you are sounding civilised.
Technology got there in the end and the lights in empty rooms were switched off. But the astonishing results came in storage facilities an in particular in telephone exchanges where every aisle was highly illuminated so that the engineers could do their work. Nobody ever switched an aisle off as they left. Another fault might be reported or the fix might not have worked first time, so the lights stayed on for 100% of the time. Putting detectors in an isle reduced consumption by over 90% everywhere and 100% in the obscure nuclear bunker division. These thing started paying for themselves in months in telephone exchanges, two years in storage facilities and thee at most elsewhere. They weren’t cheap either, but the manufacturer found that the electrical contractor was making more out of each job than he was so he put his prices up. Then came the fateful day. Money coming out of every pore, the boss was walking around the Bank of England cellars one day counting aisles and a rabbit warren of corridors – all illuminated with broken down fluorescent lights and had reached 450 or so when he suddenly came upon a guard point where the guard was sitting with his feet up watching the racing, but the lights all around him were switched off! This was the only section out of thousands of light fitting which were switched off and even more inextricably, in an area which was occupied. He had been walking around counting £50 notes as he went along and suddenly, on a floor identical to all the rest – nothing.
As he reached the guard who was busy watching the racing on a portable TV instead of the closed circuit cameras of the work station, the guard gave a friendly wave.
Why are the lights off he was asked.
They are knackered. '
'Yes,' said the surveyor switching on the lights, 'they are all knackered – they must have come out of the arc.'
but those make so much noise I cannot hear the racing results. Moving through other floors counting £50 notes the surveyor had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that followed him around all day. Pleased as he was to go home with a £100,000 project in the bag, the feeling followed him.
Whatever he told the buyers of his products people detecting was not easy, nor certain by any means. Setting up the detector was a skilled job and often skimped by electricians in a rush to get one in and get on people detecting had lots of things to go wrong not least the complex ultrasonics. But they had ironed out all the equipment failures, now it was mostly down to the electrician’s complete lack of common sense. Positioning a detector to cover the room one would think was obvious, but no; they had found them pointing at walls a few inches away. The spec said one detector /room and that was what you got. It said nothing about working to detect anyone so there you are mate – I’ve done my job and no-one said that it cannot be in a corner pointing at the roof. The problem was that this reflected badly on the product which was the best that there was. It wasn’t just the state of the art it set the art. No-one in the world came even close, but they were in the hands of imbeciles very often. Imbeciles who, adding insult to injury, for a long time made more out of the job than the manufacturer who sold the whole project, found the budget, made the payback case by fitting little clocks before controls then afterwards. No one could argue with a clock that recorded usage before and afterwards. The lights in that nurses kitchen were never switched off – look at the clock,but it was only used for less than three hours a week – look at the clock. All this was in he mix that went around and around on the train journey home. Take a look at the clock he almost said to the passenger in the next seat, and mocking him from either shoulder were the devil spirit dressed in overalls who said that the specification just says one switch per room, and on the other shoulder the grinning face of the security guard who couldn’t hear the racing results with the lights on. Himself exhausted in the middle with the conviction that there must be an easier way to earn a living fell asleep, pondering.
The next day he had to go and see his favourite trade unionist anyway:

Hows it going Sid?
Oh not so bad & how are you?

How are the light switches going you know,

A strange thing – we never talk about them now – a nine day wonder and no mistake. To think we nearly had a stoke over them.

Its branded on my heart Sid, don’t remind me

I might have something for you to moan about mate but remember what happened last time. It seemed big then disappeared

And so 'Buzz-off' was born. They tried it out in thee little kichen that he girls used. Just a single 4'-0” fluorescent so no case for energy saving, but the 'Buzz-off' only cost a few pence to make – there was nothing in it but a five minute delay timer and a cheap buzzer from japan. Within two weeks the girls switched off every time they left the room to avoid that annoying intrusive and insistant noise that started 5 minutes after they left. Andfitting it was childs play – you didnt need to modify the wiring at all. No switch because it did nothing. Just fit it to the same point as the light, there was nothing to it. No money for contractors to steal . No money for them to charge for getting it wrong because there was no way to get it wrong. That's was why it never went into production.there was no money in it for anyone. It worked like a dream in proptotype form. No-one ever left a buzz-off equipped light on. No one so the strange thing was that for sid and his friends this too was a nine day wonder. After the first week or so no-one ever heard them because it became second nature on leaving a space to swich off to avoid the noise. The lights didnt ever need to be buzzed off when a buzz off was fitted because the workforce switched them off on the way out. A perfect energy conservation product you might think but you would be wrong. It didnt happen because a buzz-off costing pennies would replace a detector costing £50 each, and instead of competing on performance anyone making the beast was inviting every man and hids dog to compete on price. Who but a madman sets out on that path? Well no-one ever did and outside of a few thousand prototypes none were made in earnest. Buzz off buzzes off without being heard until this day. That is a brilliant idea that you can have. The next is a brilliant idea that you cannot have because I am doing it myself. If you havnt aleady heard about the Goodwill Foundation, I am not good enough at my job, or coming at the project with enough funds. Perhaps we have decided to launch on the once in a thousand year date of 12/12/2012. there could be several reasons but I can tell you the idea now becausee you can buy it but not pinch it. It is:

The Goodwill Foundation
and it goes like this:goodwill is all around us but unrecognised except perhaps when a pretty girl gets wolf whistled walking past a building site – something which she pretends to resent, but which she worries about when inevitably such things no longer happen. Aside from the inconclusive wolf whistle there are few recognitions of appreciation except for the occasional thank you. But what about those times when a bit more than a thank you is needed but less thana tip, or a recipient such as a public servant who is not allowed to accept tips. Policemen and traffic wardens are specifically denied acceptannce as it might be construed to be a bribe. The problem here is exactly the opposite of buzz-off: we started giving awards away free, then that made no sense so we charged 50pence per thousand, but that undervalued the presentation so we muliplied the price by ten and our awards called Go's cost 50pence per 100. we have the price correct at last but the public do not know enough about us – contrary to our publicity they are not giving us and each other a Go. Just like buzz-off, this golden apple has a worm at its core but this time we are not going to spell it out unless you ask